my life..

2008-09-05T21:33:00.003+08:00

After watching Sound of Music for 2 days in a row, I've decided that it's time to say
"So long, farewell.."

Well actually, it didn't. Ha. But still I'm leaving never to come back again.

Leaving? No.

Gone.

Goodbye.

2008-08-30T21:06:00.002+08:00

Rachel and I can't stop laughing. Hahaha. This is hilarious.

I was in this "missing Westlife" mood you see. So I started googling for Westlife. Then I found this: http://www.tabs-database.com/westlife/SINGING-FOREVER-lyrics.html

It's so amusing because it's Westlife singing a Metallica song! Well, Rach and I think that it can't be. The person who posted the lyrics must have had make a mistake. Hahahaha. Imagine Westlife singing a Metallica song! Or, imagine Westlife and Metallica working together! Hahaha.

Rach thinks that if Westlife sang the song, it'll be something like this:
Everyone: RUNNING!
Shane: on our way
Everyone: HIDING
Mark: you will be
Everyone: DYING!
Nick: A THOUSAND DEATHS!

Ah. Funny! Hahahaha.

Today was pretty nice. Went to JP with Huiqin to study. Then it was guitar where Rach and I spent a good half an hour stringing her guitar. Hahaha. We tied the first string, tried to tune it and it broke. All in all, the strings kept breaking until Mr Lim enlightened us. Haha.

And in conclusion, I'm a terrible Westlife fan.

2008-08-29T17:57:00.002+08:00

I feel as if I'm running away from something. I don't like running away.

Feeling bittersweet again. Life's just like that isn't it? It all depends on how you look at it.

I've decided to accept things as they are now. For the time being at least. I think I'm confusing myself. I accept it but I'm still going to try my best to change it.

I feel kind of glad. Life seems happier when you just let everything go. Simply because we control nothing at all. The choices we make certainly affect the outcome but we definitely do not have any control the things that happen around us at all.

It's a simple world and then again, it's complicated.

I saw this on YouTube: the definition of faith is "a firm belief in something for which there is no proof."

2008-08-28T19:47:00.002+08:00

Initially, I had lots of things to say, lots of things to blog about.

But then the more I thought about it, the more I realised that it wouldn't mean a thing to any of you.

Ultimately, I'm still your friend.
You know, it doesn't really matter what your definition of friendship is because as your friend I do my best to fit your definition of a friend. I might not succeed. In fact, I think already failed but you know what, I don't think I care. Because I tried. And I'll try and try again.

It's the same for you I guess. I hope you won't ever give up a friendship. The person might have wronged you, treated you badly. You might think that the person isn't worth your friendship. Think again.

I realised that sometimes, it's never enough for you to just be waiting. It's never enough for everybody. There are times when you just have to go after someone and pull them back. Those are the times when if you wait, the person might have already gone over the edge.

Love is patient and patience is a virtue.

2008-08-23T21:48:00.002+08:00

Every song is making me sad. Ha. Probably because 78-79% of the songs I have are sad songs. 21% high songs. 0-5 % songs that I don't listen to. 0.01% songs which I can delete. 1% unheard songs.

Goodness. I think my sentence structure is deproving. The above paragraph doesn't sound grammatically correct. At least I think all the percentages are correct. Gah.

I think I like talking to strangers.

It feels good talking to someone who have no idea about who you are, who's purpose in talking to you is to get to you know more. Isn't that how friends start out in the first place?

Ah. I'm feeling sleepy. Can't complete my thoughts.

2008-08-13T19:23:00.002+08:00

Life has been throwing up lots of shocks and surprises.

Or maybe, it hasn't.

Everything that happens isn't a coincidence. That I know. Every choice that we make will somehow affect an event, no matter how big or small. That, sets of a chain effect, a cycle, a full circle, whatever.

Those shocks and surprises aren't that impactful. If you're not me, you probably wouldn't think that these things have any effect on you at all. Haha. In fact, they wouldn't be worth mentioning.

But, me being me, I like to blog about things like these.

I somehow feel, that everyone around me is growing up. It isn't some wham! into your face realisation. It's kind of a gradual thing, something that creeps into the back of your mind and dwells in the darkness and the cobwebs of your brain. Then, it grows until it starts to occupy most of the little space that your brain has.

It's going to be 8 soon. I want to watch television. It seems as if the closer it is to O Level's, the more spend time I spend on watching television and sleeping. While everyone has already gotten their books out and start their revision, my locker is still full of notes and books.

These days, it seems as though the number of internal monologues that I have are increasing. Having a conversation with myself is pretty annoying.

2008-08-12T19:38:00.003+08:00

Jingying wants to kill me. Hai. I wanted VERENA :D to be inscribed on my tombstone. She insisted that I had something like this:

May Rachel be Jingying
May Jingying be Ziyi
May Ziyi be Huiyun
May Huiyun be Junqi
May Junqi be Huiqin
May Huiqin be Wanzheng
May Wanzheng be Shuhuan
May Shuhuan be Beatrice
May Beatrice be Kiankoon
May Kiankoon be Kenny
May Kenny be Gongyi
May Gongyi be Serene
May Serene be Rachel

I would have gone on but I think the tombstone wouldn't have any more space.

2008-08-10T18:48:00.002+08:00

I had a dream.

Now I want to blog about it and it sounds rather stupid. Okay. It is stupid.

I was napping and then the voices of my sister and mother woke me up. So I went to shower and do whatever that I was supposed/wanted to do. Then I woke up and realised that it was all just a dream.

Stupid right? Stupid dream made me think that I finished everything that I had to do and could sit down and relax and wait for midnight to come so that I can watch China VS USA. Then I woke up and realised that it was all just a stupid dream -.-

Ha. 71 days to O Levels and I'm still slacking. Everyone out there has started revision one way or another and all I've been doing is sleep, eat, watch television, eat and sleep.

I feel weird. Bah.

2008-08-09T17:11:00.002+08:00

I'm kind of in a bittersweet mood now. I think I like myself the best when I'm feeling bittersweet. That's when I'll give you a great big grin if you asked for one. That's when I might cry if you hugged me. That's also when you'll catch me smiling at nothing in particular.

No wonder Rachel says I'm like Vinod.

It looks like it's going to rain. I hope it doesn't rain at Marina where the National Day Parade is going to take place.

Yesterday was kind of fun. Even though we didn't win the interclass. I guess that's okay. Afterall, "Winning is important but it's not everything."

Went to Jy's house after the celebrations. Had a singing session. Lol. I have only one word to say. Finally. Of course they sang their Chinese songs. Oh well. At least we sang Simple Plan, Busted and Britney Spears. Ha. I still miss the singing sessions that we had in 206.

Today, I finally ran up slope. I've always wanted to do that.

2008-08-02T21:44:00.004+08:00

This is just a pretty random post. Trying to use song lyrics to express myself.

For a moment it was something like this:
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut. My weakness is that I care too much.

Where'd you go, I miss you so. It seems like its been forever, since you've been gone.

Why do I love you?

I'm still tired to care and I got to go.

Then last night it was:
I'm sorry. I meant no harm.

I know I've been selfish, I know I've been foolish.

But don't let me go, when I'm this low. Why can't we talk about it, why can't we figure it out?

I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around.

I'm hanging by a moment.

Where's the world that doesn't care. Maybe I should meet you there.

2008-08-02T16:36:00.004+08:00

Some quotes from my very cute juniors. Haha.

"Don't leave something that you can't live without." Quoted from Siying who quoted from Weiru.

Made me realise that I really can't without you guys.

"I don't want to live because I'm going to die." Quoted from Yieqin. She was being sarcastic of course. Haha.

Ah. I think I shall give you the full story. Please try to read it from a neutral point of view. Or like how you would read my posts before.

You see, I came back from my senior's cremation on Friday, feeling bad enough, then you came and said that you didn't feel that you weren't important. You wanted to go offline and cry.

That was kind of like a trigger. I probably hadn't healed properly since the last incident which was like just 2 weeks ago. I can't say that I'm healed now also. But I think I'm on my way to becoming better.

You might think, heal? Why do you need healing for? Maybe you should refer to the post on August 27, 2006. If you have the time of course. The things that I said then, even though it was directed to someone else, was what I was feeling the past few weeks, or maybe months.

You see, I forgot the simplest thing. "If you're winnning, never quit. If you're losing, never quit. If you're hurt, never quit." I forgot that. I forgot that I shouldn't quit. Not now, not ever.

Also, somewhere along the way, I forgot to think. I told you I was a 50-50 person. 50% rational, 50% emotional. But recently, I couldn't think. I was feeling.

It wasn't that I didn't want to comfort you when you cried. You could say I was wallowing in self-pity. I probably was. You cried and I didn't know what to do. Maybe it's because I felt that I was part of your problem. I think I was. Was I?

I know I kind of destroyed our friendship with my bare hands. I think I was jealous. I know it's stupid but, I was. The whole of this week, we only said "Bye" to each other. Another one of my stupid mistakes.

When I say that it's my fault, I mean it. I didn't say it because I want you to pity me or something. I said it because I know it was my fault.

You know the worst thing about this week was knowing that I was hurting you, that I hurt you. The second worst was wanting to go up and hug you but I was afraid that you would push me away.

Others ask me, "Why are they so important to you?" Truth to be told, I don't know. Maybe it's because you 2 aren't like anyone I've met. Maybe it's because the both of you started to grow on me. Anyway, I needed you. I still need you. The both of you.

I'm insecure, weak, selfish, rude and stubborn. That's me. Once I breakdown, I take a rather long time to get back on my feet. Contradicting myself is my hobby. So is thinking and feeling too much. I am bias. I am. I can be childish and immature. I need someone to rely on. That's the real me. I'm afraid to hear your answer because I fear rejection. I'm always pissed because there's no other way I can express my unhappiness. I have weird ideas, I won't always take your side, neither can I always be there for you.

That's all me.

I suck at comforting people. I suck at expressing myself. Sad songs make me cry, sad stories make me cry. Sad movies too. I can only be strong when there's someone for me to be strong for. I'm obsessive and I'm possessive. I always need an answer, no matter how small or unimportant the question is. I'm not very independent, but I can be very sarcastic. I have a very bad temper, I'm also very violent. I can't be your perfect friend too.

Those are just the tip of the iceberg. But they're all me. Now that you know, can you accept me for who I am?

2008-08-01T21:13:00.004+08:00

Now I know why I didn't lose a friend last year.

It's simply because I was going to lose 2 friends this year.

You know something? Maybe you made the right choice.

I thank you for all you have done. Thank you.

I have so much more to tell you but I guess you rather not listen.

2008-07-24T22:44:00.002+08:00

The best thing about these 2 weeks is rediscovering old friends.

You know the people whom you think you have nothing to talk to about anymore? They're still there for you. It also turns out that you can tell them anything and everything.

I'm so grateful for all of you. The ones whom I have talked to these few days. Even if it was just 5 minutes of asking each other how we're getting along in life. Even if we were just sitting in silence for most of the time. Even if what we talked about didn't make sense at all.

Thank you for accepting me for who I am, no matter how weird and different I am from you. I thank God for putting you in my life or maybe it should be the other way round but I think that doesn't really matter. I'm thankful that you trust me enough to share your problems with me.

Words can't really express what I feel now. I realised that I actually have a lot more true friends than I expected.

Thank you for listening, for sharing, for telling me things, for the silence. Even though there might be periods of time when we might not be in touch, I know that all of you will always be there for me. The best thing is, I know that you believe me when I say that I'll always be there for you too.

To me, that's good enough.

2008-07-18T22:54:00.002+08:00

Ng Siying says that my blog is very emo. I won't deny that. Haha.

Was supposed to play street today with Siying and Ms Wong and a whole lot of other people. But because I was the 11th person to take the oral, I screwed it by the way, I only managed to join them at around 4.35. So, all we did was to sit down and talk and that was rather fun. Haha. Then it was time to go back home and then to church for the welcoming of newcomers thingy. Quite a lot of people received Christ today :D

So as I was walking back home from the bus stop after my guitar lesson at church yesterday, I had the sudden urge to just buy a stick of ice-cream. And I bought it. It was $3.90 because it was Magnum and the chocolate was super nice. Then I sat at the playground and stoned. The moon was very nice but unfortunately, my phone's camera isn't good enough to take down that lovely image.

I think our netball court looks pretty nice when it is dark.
Don't you think so?

2008-07-16T22:15:00.003+08:00

"Couples don't promise to stay together because they think things will never change. They promise because they know things will change."

I saw that when I was reading the newspaper just now. I guess that line applies to friendship too.

I hope we can stay together. And I know that it somehow depends on me.

I agree that I think too much. But somehow, I don't want to stop thinking too much. I rather I think too much then think too little. I guess it's because that's what makes me, me.

Tonight will be the night that I fall for Jy. Or rather, it's the night that I will fall on her, over the drain or over a brain. You choose. Haha.

Played street after coming back from the fine dining thingy. 76 - 1. Ha. To be exact, it would have been 18 - 1 if not for KK who decided that the second last and last goals were worthed 10 and 50 respectively. Hahaha.

Street again on Friday! Haha.

And here's a picture to share:

2008-07-11T21:14:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, to be precise, it was last night, I told myself that I was going to let go. It seemed easy then. Now I realise I don't know what I'm letting go of. Is it my anger, bitterness, disappointment or our friendship?

If you plot a graph of my mood against time, you will most probably get a tangent curve. One moment, it's high up there and the next, it's way down below. Then there are times when I don't feel anything at all.

I don't know if you're the one drifting away or if I'm the one who thinks that there's something pulling us apart. Or maybe, the wall of unspoken words between us is becoming more impenetrable.

If friendship can be said to be like 2 joined hands, then I feel as if I'm gripping your hand too tight because I don't get any response from you.

Does that analogy make it easier for you to understand?

What if I told you that I'm going to let go of your hand? I'm not going to walk away, because I still need you in my life. I'm fungible. The both of you aren't. However, the decision is yours to make - you could hold my hand again or you could walk away.

If you ever need a punching bag, I'm still here for you. If you need to lean on my shoulder, it's still there for you. If you need my jacket, I'll lend it to you. If you have the sudden urge to hold my hand/little finger just because you felt like it, I wouldn't mind. Whatever I told you then and whatever I just told you, I mean it.

However, if you do find it easier to leave, then by all means, go. I wouldn't blame you and you needn't worry.

Today was rather fun. The evacuation exercise was funny. Eating at Pizza Hut with Serene, Yeechin and May felt good too.

You know something? I never really got to know what's going through your mind.

2008-07-08T18:55:00.004+08:00

Nothing emo today. Seeing as this is my 406th post, it shall be dedicated to the 406 outing yesterday. Yay!

Events that I can remember about yesterday:
1. Met Jy and Ziyi at Outram Park
2. Bought tidbits with Lingying and KK at Giant.
3. Took pictures while waiting for monorail.
4. Played Monkey and Volleyball on the beach.
5. Went into the water, pulled Gongyi and Kenny in.
6. Pool!
7. Dinner!

406! Hahaha.

From the Donut 5 to 5 PM. 一点, 两点, 三点, 四点, 五点. We were the people who didn't eat Swensen's. Haha. Dinner was funny and so was the trip home.

2008-07-05T14:09:00.005+08:00

Thank you for lying :D

There's nothing in this world that I love more than being lied to. I love being lied to more than I love being left out. Really :D

We lie because the truth hurts, right? So, it's understandable. I know you didn't mean it.

To make my day, you just have to say that you don't really give a damn about me. Seriously :D I'm such an unlovable person who doesn't really need much care and concern.

As much as I love being lied to, I guess I should stop lying to myself. There's no way that I'll mean to the both of you as much as the both of you mean to me.

The reason's pretty simple - you need only her and vice versa. No matter what you're feeling, you only need each other.

I'll still be there if you need me. I can promise you that much. The moment you don't need me anymore, I'll say adios amigo.

I know you don't want to see/hear anymore apologies but I'm sorry that I'm a pretty selfish person. I'm sorry that I'm this weak too. I'm sorry you feel like the last resort. I'm sorry you felt like the remainder theorem.

I'm sorry I feel like both.

By the way, please don't feel hurt.

I walked home from school today, hoping that it would rain. Sadly, it didn't.

2008-07-04T20:50:00.003+08:00

I forgot to thank you.

It seems like everyone's sick and tired of seeing/hearing apologies. I don't really know what to say. I'm in another of my weird moods again and I seriously didn't want to take it out on you. I think you know by now that I don't really know how to express myself. I which I could but I can't.

I guess I'm not one for words. At least, I don't like to verbalise them. Words seem much safer when they're not spoken.

I guess a person that's already hurting would always be hurt by whatever you say, regardless of how you say it, why you say it and when you say it.

I think I'm tired of not knowing where I stand. That's when I get cranky and I hurt you.

My mind's pretty clogged up because I feel like I have a lot to say but I can't figure out what they are.

One day, if you do get tired too, just walk away. I wouldn't mind.

2008-07-02T19:38:00.002+08:00

I feel like it's my fault.

Maybe I should really be left alone. Ever since the both of you have known me, it feels like you all have an added burden on your shoulders.

I don't know what I want to say already.

I still don't know what to do.

2008-06-30T20:50:00.004+08:00

Dear Dar

I'm not sure when you're going to read this. Neither am I sure if you're going to read this at all. However, I have some very important things to say and this seems like the best place to express what I really feel.

Firstly, I'm pretty saddened by the fact that you always close yourself up when something's bothering you. It's not just me. There's 2 other people who feel the same way. I'm sure you know who. If you won't talk to me, at least talk to them. I think they hurt more than I do when you don't talk to them.

You were the one who told me to open up, to share. So please stop bottling everything that you're feeling inside you. If you do not share with us because you're afraid of making us sad, let me tell you this - it saddens us even more everytime you refuse to let us in.

If you want to cry, we'll cry with you. If you want to rant, shout or do anything else to vent your anger, then we'll be there for you to rant or shout at. If all you want is to feel our presence, needless to say, we'll always be there. However, if all you really want is peace and silence, if you want to be alone, I guess we would respect your wishes and give you all the space you need.

Secondly, as your friends, we often do things that we feel is the best for you but it always seem to make you feel worse. I would like to apologise again for all the things that I have said or done to upset you. I'm sorry that I don't tell you what you want to hear, what you expect to hear from me. I'm sorry for the fact that I'm very blunt. The truth might set you free, but it sure hurts like hell.

It just occurred to me that this seems like a very cowardly way of telling you things but I hope that you will not feel offended because of what I've said. I think I still have more things to say to you but I feel too tired to continue.

Love
V

P.S. When you're feeling down, I don't know what to say. So let me do what I do best. I'll give you a hug.

2008-06-29T18:40:00.003+08:00

'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

My mother wants me to be a normal 16 year-old. How can I? How can I, you tell me? How can I?

2 years ago, I wished that I wasn't me. Today I realised that God let things happen for a reason. I still don't understand why things happen though. I only know that it has a purpose.

I think I was 16 when I was 12.

So I cried my eyes out and shouted 'til my throat became sore.

Ms He left yesterday and I just realised it today. Wonderful.

Time might heal all wounds but some scars just do not fade. Sometimes, if the wound is not stitched back properly, it might just continue bleeding.

What can I say? We don't miss something until it's gone.

2008-06-26T15:52:00.004+08:00

You've just proven me right today.

I would thank you if I could. Sadly, I can't. Maybe I would be fine later, maybe I would be fine tomorrow. But right now, I don't know what to do. It's the same old question:
Should I stay or should I go?

I'm tired. I think I've said that many times this year. Maybe one day, I would be able to just let it all go. But right now, I don't think I can.

I feel like I'm a drug addict. I'm so addicted that even if I don't want it, I need it. Even though it does me more harm than good, I keep going after it. Maybe it's just because I'm not strong enough. I think the line between 'want' and 'need' is so blurred that I don't even know what I want and what I need.

There would be so much more things to say if I could talk to you face to face. Maybe not. Then again, there's a limit to how much words can express.

Who do you need, who do you love, when you come undone.

Who indeed.

We can't help but forget what we've said.

2008-06-24T17:27:00.002+08:00

I swear that if I could scream, I would scream right now.

Wait. Actually, I wouldn't.

I'm hungry and having a headache. I'm sorry the TV doesn't make me any happier. Am I being gl again? I apologise if I am.

I'm probably being very cranky. If it was last year I think I would have walked up and left. Damn. I realise that I sound rather emo.

So today I realised that I don't know how to interrupt conversations. I also realised that what I'm blogging about is pretty meaningless. I think that the things I've blogged about for the past few years are all rather meaningless.

Damn fans. Stop screaming on TV.

Tsk. I think I shall go find a corner where I can hide.

2008-06-21T00:40:00.000+08:00

While waiting for Windows Live Messenger to download, I shall blog.

Shuhuan, I'm so sorry for making you wait for so long. We were supposed to start our compositions 1 hour and 6 minutes again. Sorry. Haha.

Today was another fun day I suppose. Studied at tiong again. For 2 hours, I was alone. No Ziyi :( Then Jy finally decided to grace me with her presence. Wonderful. Her family came for a while and Zhewei was totally afraid of me. Must be my haircut. Then Ziyi came. YAY. Haha. But she left after a while because she had tuition.

Jy and I then decided to go to Mos Burger because she wanted to drink the large milk tea that only costs $2.65. There, I finally finished my English comprehension and letter writing. We talked to Shuhuan too. It was funny. Haha. Then Ziyi came back from her tuition. Double YAY.

Sadly, the dinner crowd was coming in so Jy and I walked Ziyi back home. On the way, I saw my father! I shouted pretty loudly and ACCORDING TO ZIYI, there were echoes. Alright. In the end, we went up to her house to watch their fun dance. Hahahah. Funny.

Sian. Windows Live Messenger is downloading so slowly.

Then I took the train down to Somerset and walked to Takashimaya. Everybody else was already there. Haha. Dinner was all about comparing our phones and looking at pictures. Then, we went to Coffee Bean where my sister, Lydia and I were treated. We started taking pictures there. Haha. Then Yvonne started showing us her songs and wedding pictures. We finally left when Coffee Bean closed for the day.

However, we didn't go home and stood outside Coffee Bean for don't know how long listening to their music. Tiffany started dancing. Haha. Everybody was quite high I suppose. Lol. Then we stood outside Takashimaya for quite a while too before heading to the MRT station. THEN TIFFANY DROPPED MY PHONE ON THE TRAIN!!! Sad. My phone now has 1 scratch.

Oh well. The day ended rather happily.

We wish that you would be happy with your life, your studies, your friends [which includes us], and whatever that you do, in Mos Burger because Mos Burger claims that it has been making our lives happier everyday for the past 15 years :D

2008-06-20T09:49:00.003+08:00

Ah. The holidays are ending. It's time to go back to school. It looks like I wouldn't be able to finish all my homework.

Wednesday was rather entertaining. Ziyi was being the entertainer -music starts- As both she and Jy were checking Chemistry answers, and seeing as I had a lot of crappy answers in my papers, she went "According to Verena.." for more than 10 times that day. That amused Jy tremendously.

Due to Jy's 'sleepy slippers', she slipped 3 times that day :D

I'm crying but I don't know why.

Then I studied with Jy and Jh yesterday at Anchorpoint. I finally finished the History Paper and 1 A Math paper. But I still have a lot left. Damn. Then we saw this:
Look at the cats. Jy was missing Ziyi the whole day.

Oh well, I guess I did too.

2008-06-17T19:47:00.003+08:00

I finally finished my Chemistry papers! Haha. Although I left about 20 blanks in total just for the last 2 RV papers.

Studying with Jy and Ziyi yesterday was not that productive but it was fun. Haha. Wonderful playground that Eunos has. Jy and I got so distracted by all the stuff that's listed at her blog while Ziyi went for tuition. Then when I reached home, I watched television from 7 to 11.

Today's trip to the library with Huiqin was more fruitful. Did as much questions as I could for Chemistry then we went to the arcade. Haha. Daytona and basketball. Went to the hospital to visit Uncle George before going to the library. He's got a fever yesterday so his leg became swollen.

Pretty tired today. If all goes according to plan, I'll finish all my homework by Friday. If all goes according to plan, this would be the first time that I actually finished my holiday homework before school re-opened. Ha.

2008-06-15T13:26:00.002+08:00

Forever's going to start tonight.

I'm currently still "evolving". Through this recent "evolution", I realised something but I forgot what.

I guess I'm tiring myself out by thinking too much.

On broken wings I'm falling.

I think I shall just give up.

2008-06-14T00:28:00.002+08:00

Times like these makes me wonder if I'm doing anything wrong. I don't exactly know what times like these actually mean though.

I wonder if I'm normal.

Maybe it's too difficult to be normal because everyone is different and special in their own way. Therefore, our definitions of normal will definitely be different too. So then, I wonder if I'm anywhere near normal.

I don't think I'm average. At least, I'd like to believe that I'm not average. Then again, I probably might be average. Oh well.

If time would stop next week, life would be great. If time continues, then I guess life would be better.

Ah. I don't know what I'm thinking about now.

If I was optimistic I would say that friends will never lose each other 'til the day they lose their lives. The sad thing is, I'm not optimistic. So I shall say that friends will never lose each other 'til the day they realise that they're not important to each other anymore.

Oh well. It's time for some re-evaluation but just so you know, I meant what I said.

2008-06-13T21:03:00.004+08:00

Today was fun. Haha. Went to pool with Huiqin, Hua and Shuhuan at Safra. Yay!

Meet the teams:
Shuhuan calls us the vegetable team.

Apparently they're the oreo and chocolate team. By the way, Huiqin is shorter than Shuhuan in real life.

In the end, they won one more game than us. Ha. Never mind. I hit a few tyco balls so I feel quite happy. The table was seriously low and the 3 of them was seriously blur. Most of the time the conversation we had went like this:
Hq/Sh/Hua: We solid or striped ah?/My turn?
Me: -replies according to whatever it is-

Then after a rather long time, we finally decided to go to Anchorpoint for dinner. However, we were still hungry after eating. So we went to the restaurant at Ikea to eat cake and chatted for quite a while. Haha. We then proceeded to walk around.

Shuhuan thinks that Huiqin looks like a piece of meat between 2 pieces of lettuce.

Our family :D

Alright. Go ahead. I know you feel like laughing.

Sadly, the amount of pictures that we took today is rather little. There was always people around or the pictures that we took were too blurry. Ah. Then we all went home.

2008-06-11T22:54:00.002+08:00

I killed a cockroach today, along with many ants. I think I kill at least 10 ants a day. Ha.

I got my new phone! Yay! However, my dad thinks that it's too slim and not eye-catching enough. My mum thought that I bought a slide phone and tried to slide it. What cute parents I have.

My thoughts are very scattered today. I'm just sitting in front of the computer screen, stoning. I should stop waking up at like 3 in the morning to think for 2 hours. Not that I did that on purpose. I just couldn't sleep.

So I reached a conclusion - I should just leave what I can't change, alone. Maybe one day, I'll accept it. If not, I would just be torturing myself.

Alright. I can't think straight today.

2008-06-11T09:52:00.002+08:00

Wherever You Will Go - The Calling
So lately, I've been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

[Chorus:]
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

[Chorus]

Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

[Chorus]

If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go

For you and you.

Lord, please give me the strength to accept what I cannot change.

2008-06-10T20:31:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling rather lousy today. Maybe I always feel lousy on Tuesday.

Today was Bonaku day. I missed going out with Huiqin and Wanzheng. We went to Plaza Singapura to eat first because we were hungry. Then after walking around, we left and started our long hike to Centrepoint. We actually went the wrong way. We knew that we were heading in the wrong direction and continued walking in that direction for quite a few minutes. Haha.

So after resting our feet at Centrepoint for a while, we went to Far East Plaza. Then we met Serene, Shilei and Yeechin. We kept bumping into them on every level. Lol. The both of them bought clothes and accessories. I bought a choker! Yay. We went to Starbucks to study after that. Then Wanzheng left so Huiqin and I went to Wisma. All in all, it was a very tiring day because we kept walking.

Oh yea. Studied with Jy and Ziyi yesterday. I didn't do much. I was practically stoning after I finished eating lunch. I didn't want to do Chemistry because I couldn't find my pencil. I couldn't do A Math because I didn't really want to think. Oh well.

I think I lied. I'm sorry I lied. I didn't mean to lie. Like always, I wasn't thinking.

Maybe I should just grit my teeth and get through this. Or we could drift apart. Both options, are painful.

My scars remind me that the past is real.

I guess there are too many unresolved issues within me. I've been sweeping them under the carpet, bottling them inside me. Now it feels like I'm ready to explode. I'm sorry that you have to be so close to me at this point of time. Please keep a distance from me so that you'll be fine. Please run away before you're too tired to do so.

2008-06-10T09:32:00.001+08:00

Please tell me that I'm paranoid.

2008-06-09T21:24:00.002+08:00

I feel damn mean.

I feel damn out of place too.

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand.

The best thing is, I don't know what I want to understand. I don't even know if I want to understand. Maybe I would be better off not understanding.

Someone shake me out of this mood that I am in now.

What am I supposed to hide now? What am I suppose to do?

Argh. It feels as if everything I want to say is stuck in my throat. Or rather, somewhere in my brain.

Tell me I should stick around for you.

Forget it. You shouldn't tell me that.

I don't really mind if I just fade away.

Yea. I think I don't mind. I think I'm used to it too.

Please ignore me when I'm mean.

I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go.

Maybe, just maybe, you're already doing what you said you won't do.

2008-06-07T11:40:00.002+08:00

本人回到家了.

It feels great to be home. It's raining now. It's raining very heavily now. It's raining very heavily now and I like it. I just wish that I was outside.

Living at my aunt's house was rather fun. Her house was on the second floor and I could count the number of MRT trains that went by. Her house is very small. I had nothing to do yesterday morning so I wasted time by walking up and down her house. Ha.

I'm listening to Chinese songs again. Rachel is so going to hate me. Haha.

I think I have a lot of things to say these few days. I'm sure Jy will agree.

My thoughts are pretty sporadic. Random. Maybe I just feel like talking. But I don't know what to say.

I feel like me again. Maybe when the going gets tough, all you have to do is to withdraw yourself from the situation, recharge yourself, then go back in and start fighting again. You're not running away if you intend on coming back, right?

Ah. I'm way behind my schedule for doing homework.

Jy thinks that I'm an avid blogger. I'm not. I just have a lot of things to say to myself. Since I don't like to talk to myself, this is the only way I get to say what I want to say. That or maybe Jay Chou's songs makes me want to blog. Actually, most songs make me feel like blogging. Yup. So that's why.

I'm crying tears of joy.

2008-06-06T17:38:00.003+08:00

Jy thinks that I should be a sun. So I shall give up being a light bulb. The sun is so much brighter than the light bulb.

So Rachel gave me some stupid thing and it was pretty funny. Jy kissed a cat, Ziyi stabbed barney the dinosaur. Tsk. They're so violent. Oh well, I slapped a whore. All because our tacos got stolen by a bum.

My aunt's house has broadband. Hahahaha. So I guess I can stop missing Jy and Ziyi now. Or rather, I wouldn't miss them that much.

Sometimes, you think you understand it, but you don't. You think you know it, but you don't. Your brain understands it, it becomes knowledge to you but if your heart never feels it, you'll never accept it.

Maybe that's what always happening to me. I know it, but I never accept it. Life still goes on all the same. No one really knows. Sometimes, it's easier convincing someone else rather than yourself. Sometimes, everything you say is a lie.

Ah. I shall stop thinking.

2008-06-05T18:44:00.002+08:00

I need to make good use of my time at home. That's why I'm blogging again. But I don't know what to say.

From Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult:
Sometimes when you don't ask questions, it's not because you are afraid that someone will lie to your face.
It's because you're afraid they'll tell you the truth.

... when people we love make choices, we don't always understand them. But we can go on loving them, just the same. It isn't a matter of comprehension. It's forgiveness.

Some lessons can't be taught, they simply have to be learned.

Ah. I think they make so much sense.

Now I know what scares me the most. What scares me the most is realising that I need someone more than they would ever need me. That's pretty selfish, isn't it? It's so frightening because you know that you know that you'll miss them more than they'll miss you. Frightening because you know that you'll do almost everything that they want you to. Frightening because you'll do anything to make them smile. Frightening because in the long run, you realise that you aren't living for yourself. Instead, you're living for them.

I saw a dead cat on my way home. I think I have a penchant of seeing dead cats. I think I have seen enough of dead animals.

It isn't raining. That's good. I hope it rains heavily one day. So that one day, I would be able to go walking or running in the rain.

JY AND ZIYI! I'LL MISS THE BOTH OF YOU!

2008-06-05T15:51:00.002+08:00

Ha. Ziyi is playing the organ. It reminds me of the concert when we were bad enough to laugh at the person who was playing the organ because her leg kept moving. Ah. Good old Melody of Hope. When will we see each other again I wonder?

I'm into reminiscing again. Maybe that's why I'm blogging so much nowadays. My memory is failing me and so I can't remember everything that I want to remember. It's not the events, just the emotions and the feeling of contentment I guess.

Now Ziyi is playing a sad song and I feel like crying. Ha. Guess I'm pretty unstable right now. Unstable sounds wrong. Ha. I'm being emotional now I guess.

- VERENA Please be happy. Because you're making it hard to smile. says:
let's cry
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
ohhh. and here i am lalalain
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
lol
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
*cry*
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
...
- VERENA Please be happy. Because you're making it hard to smile. says:
LOl
- VERENA Please be happy. Because you're making it hard to smile. says:
-sobs-
- VERENA Please be happy. Because you're making it hard to smile. says:
-wails-
- VERENA Please be happy. Because you're making it hard to smile. says:
-screeches-
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
-stares-
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
-rolls on the floor crying-
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
-rofc-
- VERENA Please be happy. Because you're making it hard to smile. says:
lol
- VERENA Please be happy. Because you're making it hard to smile. says:
alright
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
col
- VERENA Please be happy. Because you're making it hard to smile. says:
let's stop
- Ric[H]ie_VR~ miss Scotty(ci) take me down to the paradise kitty says:
-stops-

Ha. Life feels pretty good these few days.

2008-06-04T17:51:00.002+08:00

I guess you wake up every morning trying to confront the fear that you ran away from the previous night.

Woke up at 5.51 today because I couldn't sleep. Decided to go for a run. It felt good running when the sun's not up yet. I guess running takes my mind off things. I don't feel like using my brain these few days. I'm getting tired. I think I know why.

While running, I realised that I was indeed a sadist. That makes me a not very nice person. Have I answered your questions?

I'm tired of being gl but apart from being gl, it's either stone or emo. I think I lost my true self. I've even started listening to Chinese songs! Damn. I've changed. I miss me. I'm losing myself in my own facade.

But unlike fictional characters, I can't leave where I am now just because I need to find myself.

I wonder what's better - a life filled to the brim with adventures and excitement, or one that's boring but peaceful. The best is obviously to have an even mixture of both. I guess everyone has different needs.

There's something wrong with me. Bah. I don't like this feeling. This feeling that can fade and subside but that can never be shaken off. Times like this and I feel like numbing my right brain.

I miss netball. I miss going on court. I miss cheering my team on. I miss jumping as high as I could. I miss feeling like nobody could beat me. I miss catching the ball. I miss the team talks, the team lunches. I miss going home from training. I miss going home from matches. I miss the muscle aches. I miss the determination to win. I miss shooting. I miss everything. I miss everybody.

I lost, by the way.

2008-06-03T19:13:00.002+08:00

Today is a very, very, very, very, happy day. But I can't say why.

Maths remedial was very fun. Jy overslept and so she didn't come. Then Ziyi and I were trying to imitate the way Mr Teoh writes "d". We think it's very nice. Then we MRT-ed down to Jy's house.

Didn't do much there. Watched Youtube. The "How to Fake Abs" video was kind of lame. Then we realised that "Always Be My Baby" was actually a Mariah Carey song. Zhewei didn't talk at all. So I left when Ziyi left.

Was only planning to 陪 Ziyi until Eunos but somehow, I ended up at some void deck, doing my homework for 2 hours. I was actually quite happy doing homework. Hahaha. Then Ziyi's tuition ended so we went home.

Ah. Now I'm home and my cheek muscles are hurting. Funny, happy day. Yay.

2008-06-02T19:18:00.003+08:00

I realised that my life, with its many imperfections, is one big miracle.

Imagine if my mother really did miscarriaged me. I wouldn't be here at all. Imagine if I had Down Syndrome. I wouldn't be the way I am now.

Ha. Okay. I was stating the obvious. But life's still pretty amazing. Life, with all the simple things, is very amazing. Simple things are the one that bring tears forth. At least that's the case for me.

Today is one day that I hope I won't forget. Maybe I live for these kind of days. Biology remedial in the morning, followed by going through of Chemistry papers in the auditorium. Stayed back in school with jy, ziyi and huiyun. All I did 1 question of Chemistry. 1. Ha. Spent the rest of the time talking and playing street.

I think my 情绪 still a bit 不稳定. Ha. I'm high and low at the same time. Ah well, I shall just get used to feeling like this.

I like being concrete and random.

2008-06-01T16:53:00.003+08:00

Finally, I feel at peace.

Maybe life's all about learning how to feel contented with what you have. Maybe life's about learning that nothing is within your control except for the choices that you make. Maybe life's about learning how to let go.

Ah well, I'm spewing nonsense again.

Yesterday, as jy puts it, was eventful. Mine was eventful for totally different reasons though.

Yesterday was Yvonne's and Anthony's wedding. It was nice, for a lack of a better word. It was fun, funny and kind of touching. Our special item was kind of screwed but I guess that doesn't really matter. Lydia got a new phone and she started taking pictures. Haha. I want a new phone too! Left after the buffet lunch to go to the Methodist School of Music.

It was the last day that we were going to play Melody of Hope. Our Melody of Hope. It feels sad because we are never going to play together or see each other again. Because we were wearing yellow [pronounced ya-low by some of us] and pink, we felt that we looked like the sunrise and sunset. Haha.

There were so many black-outs in the hall. So, we started practising in the dark. The funniest thing was, when we were getting ready to go on stage for the sound check, it blacked out again. Then we sat down backstage to go through the song. The moment we finished the song, the lights came back on! Ha. We started cheering and clapping and laughing like crazy. Lol. Melody of Hope indeed.

Also, we had lunch at around 4+ in the afternoon. I had 1 and 3 half packets of fried rice. Then we started introducing ourselves while eating. Rachel's new name is 敲敲! Lol.

The entire night was pretty crazy. After our song, we started playing Chucky backstage. All 16 of us. The game kept stopping because we were laughing too much. It's so sad that things have to end just when we were starting to have fun together. Ah well. At least we had fun together.

It's been days since I touched any homework. I think it has been a week already.

Anyway, this song's nice.
Watch Over You - Alter Bridge

Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love

I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you
When I'm gone?

You say you care for me
But hide it well
How can you love someone
And not yourself?

[Chorus]

And when I'm gone
Who will break your fall?
Who will you blame?

I can't go on
And let you lose it all
It's more than I can take
Who'll ease your pain?
Ease your pain

[Chorus:]
And Love is gonna save you
When I'm gone.
And I'll watch over you.
And I will give you strength
When you're not strong.
Who'll watch over you,
When I've gone away?

Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone

2008-05-30T21:39:00.002+08:00

A simple "I hate you" would have sufficed. Instead, you chose to walk away and that hurt more than a thousand stabs would have.

Do you know how much it hurts to be left alone? Just when I thought I found true friends, they went and left me on my own.

I guess I never fit in anyway. I stuck out like a sore thumb, never really belonging anywhere.

A bitter laugh escaped my mouth. I was attracting attention from other people but I could not stop laughing hysterically. How could I be so foolish, I thought. I was nothing but a pawn to them. How could I be so naive? Why? There were too many questions I wanted to ask.

A drop of water on my hand brought me back to reality. It had started to rain. Without knowing why, I began running. It did not matter to me that the rain was getting heavier. In fact, I welcomed it. All I knew was that I needed to get away from the place that was tormenting me with all the memories that we had, memories that did not mean a single thing to you.

I allowed the rain to mingle with the tears that had fallen. How I wish the rain could wash away every single memory that I had of us. After all, we were got along perfectly well when we were strangers, didn't we?
____________

Long day today, long day tomorrow. So, I would appreciate it very much if you and you didn't talk to me.

2008-05-29T16:54:00.002+08:00

Today marks the 1 week anniversary of endless amusement. It started with a simple question. Today, we finally got the answer [but we knew it a long time ago].

For this 1 week of amusement, we would have to thank Twinky Winky* and Lala*. But mostly, Twinky Winky for being so damn obvious and Lala for being in denial. Haha.

I had a drama that I was supposed to write about them. But I forgot the plot. Maybe I would remember it 10 years later.

I am about to waste 1 week of my holidays too. Oh well, life's pretty great right now. I guess I can't wish for more.

*Names have been changed to protect identity.

2008-05-28T17:39:00.002+08:00

3 movies in 2 days. What Happens In Vegas with jy and ziyi, Made of Honour with my family and Accuracy of Death with huiqin.

I feel tired. All I want to do is sleep.

All 3 movies were so nice. I think I like Accuracy of Death the most. Probably because Takeshi Kaneshiro is so cute. Haha. The song's nice too.

I think I'm getting pretty cynical these few days. I seem to have a reply for every line of a song that's played on radio. So I guess its pretty good to listen to a song that is sung in a language I don't understand.

I think I'm feeling too tired to feel anything now. Too tired to think. I think I still have a lot of things that I want to say but I shall just keep them to myself for the time being.

2008-05-25T21:28:00.004+08:00

Your Inner Blood Type is AB!

Your personality is hard to define - you're very unconventional.
And even if your personality could be defined, it would be completely different next week!
Outgoing and shy, sensitive and thoughtless, you tend to have a very split personality.
This makes you unpredictable. You can be a total angel - and a total devil.

You are most compatible with: everyone!

Famous Type AB's: Jackie Chan and Marilyn Monroe

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

Yay. Just what I wanted to be. AB is cool. Lol. I guess A's pretty cool too.

You are a Rubik's Cube

You are engaging and popular. People are drawn to your colorful personality.
As much as they try, people can't stay away from you.
And while you seem easy to understand, people can't figure out what direction you're coming from.

What Kind of Puzzle Are You?

I'm a Rubik's Cube too. Lol. The second line is so untrue! Hahaha.

What Verena Means

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.
You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.
Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Probably the most true right now.

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 66%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is High

You are definitely a "people person." You enjoy spending time with others.

You instinctively understand people, and you are both a good counsellor and mediator.

However, there are definitely times when you've had enough. And that's when you cherish being alone.

How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

2008-05-24T18:57:00.003+08:00

Ha. Yesterday was so amusing that I still can't stop thinking about it.

And laughing. It must be one of most the amusing days that I ever had.

Today was pretty amusing too. Simply, because yesterday was too amusing. Went to the library and the first thing that huiqin and did was to start reading comics. Lol. Left the library at 3.30 to go for guitar.

Our second last guitar rehearsal was funny. Ha. Our Melody of Hope finally sounded pretty decent. After that, almost all of us, which was like 11 people, went to IMM's Giordano to buy polo tees. Lol. I think we looked pretty intimidating and scary. Ha. The whole group of us, carrying our guitars, walking together. We looked like a gang!

Ha. I hope tomorrow continues to be amusing.

2008-05-23T22:05:00.002+08:00

We stalked ziyi and we failed.

I threw my shoes away. Here's a song for them.

Goodbye to you my trusted shoes,
I've known you since I was 14 or 15
Together we've climbed hills and stairs
Learnt to jump and run about
Broke your soles and hurt my knees.

Ha. I can't think of better lyrics. Oh well.

2008-05-23T18:46:00.002+08:00

Only one word can describe today - AMUSING!!

I learnt that the guys in our class aren't that stupid after all. At least they can see the obvious too. Haha. Now I wonder when the whole class is going to shift their focus to *ahem*.

There's nothing much to say about PTC. Wanted to watch a movie with ziyi and jingying but ziyi was unwell so we all went home in the end.

And that's when the amusement starts. LOL.

I can't stand it. Here I am, laughing at my computer screen like some crazy person. I probably am crazy but that isn't the point.

Alright. It's not funny already.

2008-05-22T18:23:00.002+08:00

I think I know why I've been the way I am.

Maybe the fear of losing you guys is too great and the only way to get rid of that fear is to make you guys lose me.

I don't think you understand me. I don't think I understand myself too.

Sorry if I've been too fierce, too dao, too guailan, too emo these few days. I want to be alone but I don't want to be alone either. I just want to find peace but I can't do it when there's people around. Neither can I find it when there's no one there.

Nothing hurts more than knowing that you're nearing the top but you'll never reach it no matter what you do. It sucks to know that you're not even in a supporting role in someone's life. I still am your friend. A lousy friend I have been but I'm still your friend. The thing is, are you mine?

I don't expect you guys to update me about every single thing to do but I think that beats not knowing anything at all. Neither do I expect you to tell me that you're my friend every single day. It's the little things that you do which tell me that.

Maybe I'm being a little overbearing, jumping to quickly to conclusions, expecting too much from you guys. After all, I'm not that great a friend myself.

I don't think I'm making much sense. So I guess it's okay if you don't understand.

2008-05-18T17:33:00.002+08:00

Maybe, I'll be the first to change. As much as I don't want to, I realised that I can't stay this way.

I guess I'm not strong enough. I guess I've had enough of people walking out of my life. So I guess, this time, I'm going to do the walking.

Maybe I'm being rather selfish. Hopefully, this feeling will fade away tomorrow.

The innocent will never last; My weakness is that I care too much

Just last night, I hoped that things wouldn't change. I still wish that things wouldn't change. Contradicting, isn't it? I would like to be constant but I'm already changing. That's life I guess. We don't usually get what we wished for.

I would rather be the bass line.

2008-05-13T15:54:00.002+08:00

i'm hopping.

hop. hop. hop. hop.

i'm hopping because ziyi is lagging! that, and i have too much energy now.

the last paper's tomorrow! yay! woots! ha. mid-years is coming to an end. and after june holidays, it'll be prelims! then after prelims, it'll be O levels! ha.

time does not fly. it zooms! - ms joan tan's classic line.
now i know how true that is. 3 years have gone by just like that. ha. soon, it'll be 4.

then there was ms tai's - i mean what i say, i say what i mean.
ha. good old primary school. where PSLE didn't really even mean that much to me.
ah well. forgot what i wanted to say.

so, before i forget :

2008-05-08T19:02:00.002+08:00

damn it. i hate myself when i'm cranky. ah. mid-years are making me go crazy. practically screwed every paper. ha.

just great. i just have to become emo again.

these few days have been practically reminiscing. ate lunch with junqi and miaopeng after our english paper on tuesday. talked about our lower secondary days. ha. junqi and i both can't believe the way we were when we were in secondary 1. talking about all our skits, projects, all the things we did last time. ha.

thinking about that really makes me wonder if i look that scary. and fierce. and dao.

all of a sudden, i'm missing everything. and everyone. met joel tieh on my way home just now. it made me think if the friendships that we had when we were young were just so easily broken. i wonder how many friendships we have will last until we're old, or dead.

ah. damn that crankiness.

2008-05-03T17:40:00.000+08:00

yay. my blog looks screwed on firefox.

2008-05-02T20:20:00.002+08:00

ha. this week was so so fun :D starting from sunday

haha. jy and i were so gl that day. "Ziyi! we just finished guitar and we miss you so much!" ha. then went to burger king to study a bit of biology.

can't remember what happened in school on monday. oh yea. our english and chinese paper 1. went to queensway after school to buy ziyi's contacts. then ate at mcdonald's before going home.

tuesday was napfa. and i walked a lot that day. because dearest shuhuan left her wallet in my bag, and i forgot that too. so i was on the way home when she called me and the best thing was that i missed my stop. so from holland, i walked to buona vista. halfway home, shuhuan called again and i ended up going to dover. to cut the long story i short, i decided to go to lot 1 to study with beatrice and her. ha.

then wednesday, which was the day that jingying got scammed by ziyi and i! ha. as we were eating our lunch at kfc, i made a comment that i was starting to eat slower. that somehow led to us scamming jingying. she actually believed that we went to her house on monday, and went to queensway on tuesday! LOL. the best thing was that she didn't realise that we were trying our best not to laugh.

then reached church at around 7.20 for the prayer workshop. it was pretty good i guess. spending 40 minutes praying by ourselves, then praying for our everyone in our group. the coolest thing was that we ate noodles at like 2.30 in the morning. ha. then we slept til around 7 the next day and went for breakfast. then went back to church to attend the halfday retreat and reached back home at arond 1.

then it was my cousin's wedding dinner at night. was pretty tired already and for 1 part of the night, we [meaning all the young people below 17] were just stoning as the food took a long time to come. espcially when they dropped our chicken. the dinner finally finished at 11 plus. reached home and slept.

today, i screwed my social studies paper. but i shan't think about that. i probably screwed my e math paper 1 too. went for lunch at ziyi's house there before going up to her house. ha. i shan't mention her family photo. huiyun left like 10 minutes after entering ziyi's house and jy decided to go home and sleep after a while too.

then, we scammed jy again! ha. even though it was not as funny as last time. and jy was a little sharper. but still, she believed that i went home too. lol. alright. spent the rest of the time there talking to ziyi, trying to study and stoning. then my dad came to pick me up at 6.20.

ha. alright. i think that this a very long post.

2008-04-26T20:07:00.014+08:00

ha. i feel so happy. it seems like this week is turning out rather fine after all.

yesterday was speech day. woots. so school ended at 12! and then ziyi and
jingying came to house. ha. ziyi jumped on my bed and jingying jumped on the mattress. lol.

it started quite peacefully at first, with the both of them playing my guitars and jy taking pictures of my house, until i came back from buying chicken rice for them and found them 'dead'.

it was after lunch when the chaos started.

i played a westlife CD, and see what happened:

jy starts dancing with my dolphin.

ziyi felt tired as learning how to sing westlife songs was too much for her.

she then wakes up only to grin ~~foolishly~~ at my monkey while jy cuddles with my dolphin.
jy then proceeds to abandon my dolphin for my guitar.

ha. so practically, we wasted away the afternoon at my house. jy and i wrote a few lines for our functional writing and ziyi did a bit of chemistry. lol. speech day was rather boring and hilarious. then went to church after dinner. ha. got there at like 9.50 and the practice finished at 11.

woke up at 9 today and went to the library to study with huiqin. took like 2 hours to finish my functional writing as we kept talking. and another 2 hours to do half a chapter of biology. then i went to cut my hair.

this 2 weeks have been rather great. even though for half of the days, i was emo-ing. but then, i'm glad that the other half was super happy and high.

and on monday, jy, ziyi and i went home together for the first time since i-don't-know-when. so, we decided to take pictures too. ha.

don't we look happy? haha. there was supposed to be a picture of me in the centre. because we concluded that whoever sat in the centre looked the healthiest, while the other 2 looked like a ghost or a dead person. ha.

Pictures of you, pictures of me, hung upon your wall for the world to see. Pictures of you, pictures of me, remind us all of what we ~~used to be~~.
i don't think "used to be" applies in this situation.

2008-04-23T21:24:00.004+08:00

jy says that when i'm emo, i spam lyrics. so spam lyrics i shall.

Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

i wish i had something meaningful to say. bah.

Melee - Can't Hold On
Someone cries and it washes the street with tears
But when they are mine, they collect in my head for years
Rain or shine, still I'm standing on all I said
'Cause it's in my soul, carry on when the feeling's dead

[Chorus]
But if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through

Someone dies late at night and I never know
And even if I did, so afraid of the face I'd show
I feel trapped and enslaved to this dark contrast
Need a feeling now, give me something that's going to last

[Chorus]

I want to be free
I want to be free
I want to be free
Yes, I want to be free
I want to be free
Yes, I want to be free
Oh, I want to be free
Yes, I want to be free

You say you want to be free
But you can't fool me
You say you want to be free
Oh, but you can't fool me
You say you want to be free
But you can't fool me
You say you want to be free
Oh, but you can't fool me

Oh, and if you can't hold on
You can't hold on (Can't hold on)
You can't hold on (Can't hold on)
I'll be there, I'll be there
Oh, and if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you

And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there so you know that you're not alone

ah. monday was normal. yesterday was happy. and today, i'm just affected.

2008-04-19T21:39:00.003+08:00

ha. since i'm in a better mood now, i shall take back all the emo rantings that i posted in the morning by trying to blog about a happier day.

went to boon lay to study chemistry with huiqin and yileen. it was very funny to see huiqin try and solve one face of the cube. cos she got so damn frustrated. and then started to try and solve again. LOL. then yileen left at around 12 i think.

then saw junqi, miaopeng and kk. borrowed junqi's biology textbook but nothing went into my brain. so i went upstairs to find them and to read kk's new paper. and when i went back down, huiqin managed to solve one face of the cube! amazing. seeing as she's a person with no logic at all. then i left for guitar and she left for tuition.

guitar was pretty humourous. because i was like slacking all the way. while thinking if rachel managed to get autographs for me. then at the end of the rehearsal, we had to take pictures. and the person was like,"people wearing long pants have to be in front." then after looking around the room, she realised that there was only one person wearing long pants. haha. damn funny.

then now i'm back home, distracted by jy, who's trying to distract me.

2008-04-19T08:52:00.003+08:00

woots. yesterday's sports day was so damn fun. even though none of the relays won anything, deborah got the individual champ! woots. i went mad cheering for our class, netballers, and random people that i didn't even know. and poor peijun fell down. then while they were giving out the prizes, started singing songs with rach and gwen.

before that, we celebrated miaopeng's birthday at west mall. haha. her birthday always fall sometime near sports day. and then we sang the birthday song to jianloon during mr peh's class. haha.

then after sports day, took 196 with huiyun and jy. at first, i decided to take the bus to buona vista, then commonwealth, then tiong bahru, then to tanjong pagar. in the end, we decided to go tanjong pagar to eat, because we wanted to talk more. and the conclusion of the day was that the 3 of us should form a 'i know you love me' clique. haha.

so much to say, but where do i start? would you listen if i spoke from my heart?
it's funny how we always hurt the ones closest to us. and i think i've said that before. and it's even funnier how i can be hurt by someone, who technically, isn't very close to me.

what hurts the most, was being so close, and having so much to say..
look at the people you've neglected. because of this stranger you've become. now, i feel like walking away. but i don't think i could.

i think i've said all i could've said. bah.
cos you can't lose what you never had.

2008-04-15T20:22:00.002+08:00

currently swept up in WWRY fever. argh. the show's just too nice. the songs in it are just so.. nice!

this 2 days have been rather fun. stayed back after school to do some homework with jy while listening to this boy from band screech and play the drums at the same time. then i brought my guitar to school today for fun. hahaha. i've concluded that i prefer teaching people with musical background. miss sathi finally came to class today. and i finally managed to come in under 16 minutes for 2.4 run.

then jy and i went to 408 after school to jam with rach. haha. and then we did our homework while beidi blasted songs. which was fun. and good, since i completed my biology workbook there.

What does 'a-wop-bop-a-loo-bop, a-lop-bam-boo' mean?

2008-04-13T21:24:00.002+08:00

like always, i pretty much spoilt my own day yesterday. i just hope i didn't spoil anyone else's.

flag day was not as successful as the previous one. but it was quite fun. and ziyi came up with a whole bunch of conclusions. lunch and then it was back to school.
dad came to fetch rach and i home.

then, it was We Will Rock You musical. haha. it was great. i wish i could watch it all over again. rach and i bought the dog tags!

then it was over to yeechin's house for the barbeque. i think it's pretty much of a success, seeing as it got many people out of their own world. which is good. but then i ended up emo-ing the whole night away.

and i think i'll emo this night away too.

2008-04-07T21:21:00.002+08:00

i have so many things to say. yet the words can't seem to come out.

i don't really trust myself to say anything nowadays. i seem to be flaring up, breaking down, almost everyday.

ah well, nationals' over now. i can't believe how quickly time has passed. this marks the beginning of the end of our life in nanhua.

i'm afraid that if i continue blogging, i'll burst out crying.

i wonder if it's possible to leave without regrets. i wonder if it's possible to live without regrets.

or maybe i should focus on the more positive things in life.

i can't believe we've ended here

2008-03-31T20:03:00.002+08:00

i feel like an asshole. bah.

i'm hungry but i claim i'm not hungry because i'm an antisocial person who doesn't know how to entertain guests. i'm so damn 怪癖.

my shots today were like shit. and i knocked down the GD. gah. stupid me. so obviously, we lost. sheesh.

i'm damn tired. but with a stack of homework to do. i think there's something wrong with me. i'm feeling damn pissed nowadays. and i'll appreciate it if people stopped asking questions i don't know how to answer. it's very tiring to think of an answer to a question you really don't like to answer.

then again, it's better if i don't talk at all.

alright. it's obvious that i'm cranky. and i'm only making my mood worse. bah.

2008-03-23T19:01:00.003+08:00

got the email from lydia. pretty lazy to forward it. so i shall just post it on my blog.

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him ?'

The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any more ? 'Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.

'Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to her son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair ?' the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to The University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, ' Mom , I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom .' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter.
The letter said:
* Dear Mom , I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom , even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and all my stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.

God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He When I needed him ?' God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus, was on the cross. He was right there, as He Always Is With All His Children.'

Oh, by the way, Mom , no one else can see what I've written ..except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in The Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore ...and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said, I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ?

Signed With Love from God, Jesus & Me.

(Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel The Holy Spirit... Work in your life for doing what you know God loves 'When you're down to nothing, God is up to Something.'

pretty touching, isn't it? or maybe i'm just in the mood to cry.

match against plmgs tomorrow. bah. and A Math test.

had flag day yesterday. quite fun. almost everybody asked if i was going busking. well, i 'busked' in school with rachel and joel before going to rach's house. played quite a lot of songs at rachel's house. and her new guitar is nice. i want one too. hopefully, by the end of this year.

today's talking session after church was fun too. kept digressing and joking around.

but now i'm rather moody. and that headache isn't helping either. bah.

2008-03-15T18:31:00.003+08:00

wa seh. sian. all around me, i hear people talking about 1)finishing their homework 2) doing what little homework they have left while i'm sitting here slacking my day away, feeling contented that i've even touched my homework.

i'm such a failure.

oh man. i can't get over the fact that even jy has finished most of her homework. i think i'm going to die. damn. i must finish english by today. or maybe ss. or physics. or something!

went for u17s selections today. got into 2nd round. and it got postponed. yay. which meant i could cut my hair. which i did.

basically the whole week was remedial, and trainings, other than tuesday and thursday. which i spent slacking. bah.

and, i watched 3 movies in 3 weeks. i'm setting a record for myself. plus, i owing people money every week. another record. yay.

alright. i think i shall go do ss.

2008-03-08T22:07:00.002+08:00

man. it's been so long. semi-final's over, final's over. west zone's over.

to cut the long story short, we got 2nd. it wasn't a bad game. and the supporters were great. then went back to school and got all the homework. so much homework for 1 week. woots.

oh yea. roadrun on the 29th was really fun. 406 是强者! both soccer guys and netball girls got into the semi-finals of interclass. yay! everybody was cheering together :D

today was spent downloading the jonas brothers' songs after the u19 selections. haha. they're so nice. i think they shall be in my top 5 favourite bands.

2008-02-24T20:21:00.003+08:00

a story about jingying and ziyi:

broken this fragile thing now. and i can't, i can't pick up the pieces.

It was all Jingying's fault. If she hadn't scammed Ziyi into play the scary maze, Ziyi wouldn't be walking away. Out of desperation, I knelt down and started banging my head against the floor while apologising profusely. Seeing the trouble that she had caused, Jingying knelt down on me and did the same.

it's too late to apologise, it's too late~

Because of the sudden weight on my back, I sat up and Jingying slid off my back. She burst out crying and I hurried to find a box of tissue paper. Hearing the cries of her twin, Ziyi turned around singing, "how am I supposed to leave you now? when you're looking like that."

Jingying continues, "I can't believe what I've just gave away and now I can't take it back."

Ziyi's anger melts as she pats Jingying on the head. "I forgive you," she said.

___________________________________

haha. everybody's into dramas for now.

2008-02-22T17:34:00.002+08:00

great. here i am, at jingying's house, all alone in her room, while she, ziyi and ashmin are playing with zhewei. all because zhewei's scared of me.

bah.

i guess i'm emo-ing again. ah.

this week was nice. well, monday was. we won clementi town, even though it was only by 2. then went to eat dinner with ms he, siying and stella. at least that part was fun. maybe it's gonna be the best part of the whole week.

i realised how screwed most blogskins look in firefox. random. bah.

lost to mgs yesterday. by a fucking 3. i'm in a very vulgar mood. not because of the loss, i just feel like being vulgar. and i realised that all the westlife songs that jy has are all sent to her by me. which reminds me. i want my westlife cd!

and, common test's over. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. or maybe, boo. because that means normal lesson resumes.

oh yea. the regent people are really friendly. too bad we're in the same grouping.

am i supposed to leave you now?

woots. westlife. i think i'm going to blog until it's time to go home. yay. make it my longest post ever without much emo-ing.

so ironic that i have to lose just to see

yay. i'm rambling. like how i used to, without making any sense. and the post is getting longer and longer due to the number of paragraphs that i have.

i can't believe what i've just gave away

i'm not making sense. and i'm so glad that i'm not making sense.

only for a minute, it's not a fantasy.

damn. i'm bored. bah. and i've only been blogging for 8 minutes.

woots. yay. it isn't time to go home.

dreams come true

2008-02-15T21:08:00.003+08:00

how i wish i had a drum set now. maybe, a punching bag. or even better, a netball/basketball court to myself.

after watching slam dunk!, i really wish i could do a slam dunk too. sadly, i can only reach the net, not the rim. bah. i can't imagine what life will be when training stops. i'll probably grow fat, and bury myself with books everyday. ha.

i seem to be a little detatched from reality. a pole will come in real handy right now. then i can shoot.

machines in my house are screwing up. my computer just screwed up and now my father's blender is screwing up. just like how this week has been. the best part of this week was eating a lot of tidbits and worsening my cough. bah.

i wish i could jump higher. maybe like, 30 cm higher. since it's impossible for me to grow any taller.

and, today was the last time that we had to sing the national anthem and the school song. it was quite fun, and the view was quite good. plus, we don't need to squeeze on the parade square.

bah. it feels like everyone is so emo. or maybe they're numbing themselves. everything just feels damn weird.

over thinking, over feeling

2008-02-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

bah. since today's one of the nights which i have nothing to do, i shall blog.

well, we got into second round. after losing to nanyang by 1, we won rv. then it was chinese new year. which was pretty fun and tiring. jonathan was so cute on the 1st day of new year. but he started dao-ing me after that. so sad. then had steamboat yesterday at doris' house. it was so funny. lol.

then had training today. pretty fun. we did figure of 8 at the end of training. that was the best part i guess. then cabbed with ms he to dover. and then i took bus back. which kind of defeated the purpose of going to dover but never mind.

second round's next week. so is common test. bah. have not started studying yet. first term's test have been pretty sucky other than for english and history. history was a rather big surprise i guess.

now i've nothing much to say. second round, second round, second round. my mother's plant is dying. she puts the pot on the table so that the plant can get more sunlight and then my dad hangs the clothes right in front of that window. poor plant.

bah.

2008-01-22T21:28:00.000+08:00

the moon's very nice tonight. and the clouds are moving so fast that the moon gets covered every few minutes. like now. and that's so cool because the moon still shines even though it's covered.

played hongkah last thursday. won 48-0. studied with bobo and kuku on friday. had ss remedial then went out again on saturday. then it was guitar rehearsal after that. sunday was pretty fun, playing on stage, guitar lessons, then off to study again and then to kaima's house. training yesterday wasn't much.

bah. then today was basically school, junior's match, clementi mac with bobo, and then home.

the sun from outside our classroom.
the moon that was covered.
and the moon that was not.

2008-01-15T20:30:00.000+08:00

finally, our first match is over. it was supposed to be over yesterday. but thanks to the rain, it got postponed to today. and today, during the 3rd quarter, it rained again. thankfully, we went to mgs to finish the match. if not it would be damn sian.

OC last friday was fun. our station was some game with lots of water that involved passing goggles around. then we left halfway for training and reached school just in time for dinner. then it was the indoor campfire thingy. which was pretty weird until we got up to do mass dance. and then all i can remember is singing Unbreakable. lol. then went home after that.

i realise i can't remember things to blog about. like how i forgot to return huiqin's umbrella to her. bah. i want to sleep.

2008-01-05T20:40:00.000+08:00

i am feeling so damn cranky. what with the stupid 700 word chinese essay. and my whole family other than me sick. and all the noise that they're making. and all the housework i have to do just because they're sick.

i know i shouldn't be complaining just because i have to do housework. i probably would have to do it even if they weren't sick. but i'm cranky. because i cannot stand people who are sick and refuses to rest. and i have to hear them coughing and hear their 'sexy' voice. and all the questions that they ask.

yay. silence for now.

school's started now. and teachers are giving us pep talks, gearing us for O's. yet, i'm still sitting here without doing my homework. the whole week since school reopened was practically all about netball. training on wednesday, self-training on thursday, training on friday and CCA extravanganza plus self-training today.

and the fact that tomorrow is sunday is not going to help. that means that there'll be school soon. stupid 700 word essay.

well, today was pretty fun. what with netballers playing softball and softballers playing netball. then watching yijun and siying trying out huiqin's chemistry homework was pretty fun too. seeing as i had only written the title for my chinese essay.

bah. now it's so noisy again.

2007-12-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

crazy pictures of lim bobo and lee kuku.

2007-12-20T21:29:00.000+08:00

i realise it has been a long time since i've thought about things. or rather, ask myself questions. all the thinking i've done was just asking others why. most of it was just angry, and bitter. it must have been a long time since i made sense. if i ever made sense at all.

sometimes i wonder if it would just be better to keep my mouth shut. maybe it would be better to just nod my head all day, keep my opinions to myself, and let others do the talking. then i wouldn't have to bother asking myself if it was my fault.

these are the times i feel like walking away. and wash my hands off all these. it sounds so depressing. it feels like those times back in sec 1. except that the thought of giving up wasn't so strong then.

bah. the feeling sucks. the feeling of wanting to give up and yet you know you can't. and you have no reason why. when the reason you have, isn't yours. when you have no idea why you're doing this.

bah. the friendly with amk was just... i have no idea what to say. went out with huiqin, wanzheng, cheyenne, yieqin, yijun and siying after lunch. we ended up in McDonald's talking about a whole range of topics - from the messages on the screen to STDs and toilets.

then our 'band camp' was great. alvin and the chipmunks are really cute. haha. jesse mccartney is the voice of theodore. prayer wasn't that bad. and jamming was fun. went to have mac at around 3 plus in the morning. practised the last song before going to doris' house to sleep. by then, it was 5.

slept all the way to 11. then bathed, breakfast-ed, and watched tv. left at 2 to meet wanzheng and huiqin again. haha. and i was cranky from my lack of sleep. and because of that, we all left orchard at 6. reached home just in time for 手足 2! haha.

2007-12-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

i realise how infrequent my postings are this year.

ah! 手足 2 started yesterday and i'm going to miss tomorrow's episode. and they're getting married tomorrow! damn.

i'm proud to say that i've finally started on a book review. haha. ziyi, if you're reading this, i need my book back!

sunday was rather fun. we had our carnival. we won 2 games and lost 3 games. and we didn't manage to get into 2nd round due goal difference. i guess it was still ok though. went to eat lunch together after that.

then had friendly with rgs yesterday. we lost like 10 to 52. and that was after 6 quarters. it was raining throughout the entire match. anyway, i am not sick!

bah. my parents are in a weird mood again. sheesh.

2007-12-12T19:34:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i feel like crying again. might be the song again.

it's been a long time. last week was all about camp. monday was buying camp stuff and going to siying's house to do the rubber bands thingy. they came over to my house on tuesday to prepare the mental training and night walk stuff. wednesday to friday was the camp. ChipMonks! it was raining all the way. the mass games was fun. too lazy to blog about everything.

finally went to work on monday. went down to damai to watch the juniors play yesterday. then today, it was our turn. didn't play really well i guess. though the team talk was good. bah. i forgot all i'd wanted to say.

holidays' gonna end soon. and i haven't even touched my homework. hai.

i feel like i have so much to say. so much to vent. but the words just can't seem to come out. if only we were back in 2o6 where we could sing all we wanted. bah. but i guess this IS reality. what we want, might not be what we get.

bah.

2007-12-01T13:48:00.000+08:00

it started out with 'every chance is a chance.'

followed by, '197 goes to perth.' and 'i don't really don't like them. i just don't like them.'

then, '*r*** likes z***.'

after that, it was, 'wtf !!'

finally, 'i am not vulgar !!'

that was the tragic end of jingying quotes. have a nice day.

2007-11-23T21:29:00.001+08:00

This is so very amusing. It is all thanks to my sister who spotted Ziyi saying 'nehneehhhh'.

It started like this:
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
my sister says you're quite cute!
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
haha
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
why
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
she see which pic!
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
dont tell me the ecology pic
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
i'll faint
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
no la
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
she saw your nehneehhhh
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
LOL
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
nehhhnehhhh i say neh neh also kena spy
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
okay i shall act .. demure now
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
0.0
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
hahaha
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
okay there's no need.
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
she's gone now
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
But anyway, I've always been a demure girl, haven't I my dearest Verena?
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
she went to her room to change
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
yea
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
you have
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
Thank you
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
You're welcome
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
I feel as if we were writing an English essay.
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
It's okay, we should do Mdm Sia proud by typing and speaking Good English
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
Is 'ok' a proper word?
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
no.
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
okay is.
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
i think?
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
oops
- ZIYI ! 鬥牛。要不要 says:
Sorry, I forgot I should type in Good English
verena- 只是chord nia jingying says,"wtf !!" says:
Never mind. I think this is very amusing. I shall blog about it.

however, we gave up after a few minutes. lol. and that was the end of it.

2007-11-23T00:14:00.000+08:00

pictures and videos :D

2007-11-22T23:41:00.000+08:00

bah. the videos are taking so long to load. ha. never mind. i shall start blogging about yesterday. had friendly at scgs yesterday. there was algae all over the courts. which made it very slippery. and that caused hua-er to fall down 5 times. bah. i think we lost in the end. had a thrashing session at the end. which i think, helped. then we went to kap for lunch.

went to siying's house after eating. ate macaroni there. haha. tried to play the keyboard unsuccessfully. joy and i started reading archie comics while siying, joey, feini and wanzheng played mahjong and yijun used the computer. then joey left and siying went to use the computer. so me and yijun took over. then joy left. then about after a few rounds, me and yijun left too. bah. then took 198 home.

then today. reached kallang at about 2.40 when i was supposed to reach around 4. then joey was bored enough to start taking pictures of us. ha. and then it turned into video-ing us. haha. wanzheng was the main actress.

then finally, it was time to start warm up. did 10 laps, ball handling, drills, then downline. my shots were sucky. bah. like always. then nanhua training ended.

extremes training started about half an hour. was pretty dark in the beginning. it was like the ball was just a dark, round lump of mass. bah. did one third court, then played with the sajc people. then the tk people. training ended pretty quickly. but then we stayed behind and started team bonding! haha. which just consisted of asking for names and phone numbers. and lots of laughter. haha.

then had kfc for dinner. nothing interesting happened there i guess. either that or i forgot. ha. but on the bus, joey started video-ing again. all the way till city hall mrt. then on the mrt, we started taking pictures! lol. espcially wanzheng and siying.

reached home, and here i am, still waiting for the videos to load.

2007-11-20T08:40:00.000+08:00

guess i should blog now. before i forget.

my birthday this year was great. considering that i had like 3 celebrations. had crystal jade on the 17th after guitar with my family and my aunt and uncle. then went for ice cream after that. went out with huiqin to get a card for ms he before that.

then on my birthday itself. got a monkey soft toy from my sister! haha. my first present in 5 years from her. then went to kfc with lydia, olivia, isaac, my sis and lydia's mum after service. lol. i got a whole mash potato to myself. haha. then went for guitar after that. got a card from rach and jy. and their contributions to my guitar fund! haha. and i got a drink from rach, and a doughnut from jy!

then yesterday. ms he's birthday celebration. i failed to smash her face with icing. bah. that's such a pity. we managed to convince her not to have training after a long time. haha. i got a big big card from the sec 1s. so nice of them. haha. then we went to vivo city. went to the open space there and started playing cards. while most of the people went to play in the water.

then went to pasta mania for dinner. walked around vivo while some of them went to prepare something for ms he. to cut the long story short, we ended up scraping wax of the floor. then when most people left, ms he treated the remaining of us to haagen dazs. and i ended up sms-ing jy because i was too full to eat anymore.

then on the mrt, we started recording the door closing sounds. haha. bah. and that was the end of the day.

so now i would like to thank all who remembered my birthday. haha :D

special thanks to my sister for the monkey.
to lydia, olivia, isaac, lydia's mum and my sis for the mash potato.
to rachel and jy for the shane card. haha.

to my wonderful sec 1 juniors for the big big card. espcially to esther who made it.

and all who made my birthday this year great. haha.

2007-11-17T12:02:00.000+08:00

haha. hooked to a new song. the ping pong song! hahaha. heard it yesterday at the cinema before watching the DORAEMON movie. haha.

the past week has been quite packed. haha. but i'm too happy to remember. yesterday was my mother's birthday. had training on monday, tuesday and thursday. yea. watched the game plan again on wednesday. wanted to find a job with wanzheng but all we did was slacking in mcdonald's waiting for huiqin to come. haha.

yea. and i'm too happy to blog anymore. haha.

Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song)
Do you know [x3]

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know [x4]
Do ya

If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year.
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can't get it to speak
Maybe finding all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I'm standing on the edge and I don't know what else to give.

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know [x4]
Do ya

How can I love you [x4]

If you just don't talk to me, babe.

I flow through my act
The question is she needed
And decide all the man I can ever be.
Looking at the last 3 years like I did,
I could never see us ending like this.
(Do you know)
Seeing your face no more on my pillow
Is a scene that's never happened to me.
(Do you know)
But after this episode I don't see,
you could never tell the next thing life could be

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know [x3]

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know [x7]

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed

Do you know [x3]

[Chorus]Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know how it feels)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed

Do you know [x4]
Do ya

Do you know [x4]
Do ya

Do you know [x4]
Do ya

2007-11-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

yay. 206 chalet was fun. haha.

cabbed to pasir ris after training on monday with shuhuan and jasmine. the first cab uncle kept going the wrong way and we ended up taking another cab. reached there and everyone else was done eating. so the rest went off and the 3 of us started eating like pigs. haha. then, we went off to the arcade where the rest of them were. after playing for a while, we went to the beach and took quite a number of photos. lol.

the first night was spent playing blackjack and daidee. haha. at 12 midnight, we sang junqi her birthday song. lol. and then we continued playing until 4 plus. then we went to mcdonald's and bought some food. got back to the chalet and started talking until 7. then i couldn't take it and fell asleep. lol.

after waking up, we started another session of cards. this time, murderer. lol. it was raining and we couldn't go outside. played cards until around 1. then me and shuhuan went to play pool. being the noob i am, she won all games. lol. then, it was another round of cards after we went back. played until 5 plus. then we went for dinner.

in the end, only 11 people stayed for the 2nd night. most people left after eating dinner. so, the 11 of us went to watch The Game Plan at tampines mall. haha. quite a cute movie. took the last train to pasir ris, and then walked back to the chalet. then, all of us fell asleep at 1.30. lol. we were supposed to wake up at 3. but none of us did. i ended up waking up once every hour because the air con was too cold. haha.

morning was spent packing and playing cards again. checked out at 10.30 and went to eat at burger king. then we took the mrt home. reached home at 1 and slept all the way to 8. ha.

then, today. kelly's and joylim's birthday. woke up early to eat breakfast at ghim moh with my family. ate kway chap. lol. then reached home and slacked before going out for training.

extremes training was ok i guess. just couldn't shoot at all. bah. then chionged all the way to kaima's house for my birthday celebration which's held 10 days in advanced. ha. had fun cutting my cake. lol. then xinyi, enyi and chuanen came over to my house for a while for xinyi to get some jackets. lol. then, we took a picture:

and that's the end of today.

2007-11-03T20:12:00.000+08:00

bah. i feel like doing a joy chow imitation and say,"i'm depressed." no offence to joy.

ha. maybe it's the song. the great escape by boys like girls. the acoustic version! i think that it's nicer. probably because that's all i'm listening to.

the letter for making my IC came. ha. wasn't expecting it though. damn. i'm turning 15. even though that means i'll be getting my guitar and amplifier. bah. time's flying away. or maybe it's zooming away.

went out with huiqin and amanda today. to look at all those nice guitars and amplifiers at pennisula shopping centre. then walked around marina square and then went to suntec for a while before heading back.

i have a sudden urge to jump up and down. ha. i'm going crazy.

The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls
Paper bags and plastic hearts
All are belongings in shopping carts
It's goodbye
But we got one more night
Let's get drunk and ride around
And make peace with an empty town
We can make it right

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

Tonight will change our lives
It's so good to be by your side
But we'll cry
We won't give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
And they'll think it's just cause were young
And we'll feel so alive

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

2007-10-28T20:59:00.000+08:00

bah. school's ended. i should be happy i guess. but when i think of next year, it's kinda depressing. what would happen in the future? no one knows.

i kinda forgot what we did on the last week of school. other than celebrating yawen's birthday, singing songs, playing cards, trainings, and the party on the last day of school. oh well.

it's funny how life's the way it is. and i have no idea what i meant by that.

jy says,"every chance is a chance."

i have no idea what's that supposed to mean either.

2007-10-22T20:15:00.000+08:00

once again, i'm reminsicing westlife. by watching their coast to coast tour. it's been so long since i've watched it. i think i'm back to my crazy over westlife mode again. haha.

training today was rather alright. played GA. haha. physics SPA, on the other hand, was not that good. bah. and i lost a lot of money playing blackjack. bah. never mind. westlife's making me happy again. haha.

bah. it's so sad that bryan's gone from westlife. bah.

i realise i really do not have anything more to say. because i'm too happy. lol. oh well.

2007-10-19T23:11:00.001+08:00

and i shall dedicate this song to jy and zy. haha. for being in a world of their own.

2007-10-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

hahaha. i feel so happy. though my knee is hurting like hell. but never mind. hahaha.

see.

westlife! though it's not an original song again. but never mind. hahaha.

our all time favourite song:

and the funniest:

and the cutest:

yea. maybe i shall put more later. hahaha.

westlife! westlife! westlife! westlife! westlife!

2007-10-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

i should be sleeping now.

ha. have chemistry SPA the first thing tomorrow. ha. my sister took my pencil away. feeling pissed. i have no idea why. pissed and emo. the perfect combination. just great.

i want to sleep. sleep my life away. but that's impossible. and pretty boring.

i wonder if the teachers could relax for a while. somehow, they're tensed, which makes us pretty irritated. sheesh. school's ending soon. but 1 week seems so far away. can't rules bend a little?

training today was fun. had courtplay. yea. got our ankle weights. ran 10 minutes with them and made lots of noise. haha. then we did agility ladder again. i think i went mad today. or maybe not.

ha. maybe it's time for me to sleep. bah.

2007-10-16T21:54:00.000+08:00

ha. i guess music does really affects my mood.

just dota-ed again. so shuang. winning is always shuang i guess. unless, of course, you're the one being killed repeatedly.

training was pretty alright just now. though it was raining. singing with xinyun is always fun. haha. then walked to central with charmander. haha.

yay. i feel so happy now. no school tomorrow, found the song i was looking for. oh ya. they played unbreakable during the closure session today. haha. today's actually a pretty great day. i guess jingying was right. her birthday is definitely a good day.

then we played cheat during our free periods. haha. i'm either the top 2 or the bottom 2. lol. so fun. haha.

yea. happy day.

2007-10-13T14:41:00.000+08:00

sian. bah.

i realised how long i have not packed my room. for 2 years i think. i've only been stuffing things into empty spaces. ha. i actually found my Grade 3 piano and theory certificates. and all my PSLE stuff. and a christmas card from a long time ago.

and then there's all my old files and homework and papers and books and photographs. last year seems like such a long time ago.

nothing's changed. or maybe everything's changed. i have no idea. i still remember how much we liked to break pencils and rulers in primary 1, how we had to sit on the floor at the front of the classroom, how we liked catching spiders and insects. lol. that was so long ago.

alright. i'll stop reminsicing. bah. like always, i need more songs.

2007-10-10T19:19:00.000+08:00

it has been 3 weeks. lol. eoys are over. spent the last 3 days slacking.

i suddenly find myself with nothing to blog about. nothing that i want to say that hasn't been said.

oh well.

and my tagboard finally broke down. how nice.

2007-09-22T21:21:00.000+08:00

我讨厌这种感觉. 这种无助的感觉. 这种帮不上忙的感觉.

i hate feeling like this.

nothing of much importance has happened since the last time i updated. or rather, i'm not in a mood to blog. i just want to vent my anger, unhappiness on something. but i have nothing to say.

sheesh.

2007-09-11T22:05:00.000+08:00

i think i'm crazy. i've just posted and now i'm blogging again. i need to 发泄.

scream. shout. cry. sing. strum. bang head repeatedly against the wall. blast music.

xinyun thought my blog was lost-intheworld.blogspot.com. it doesn't sound bad. actually describes what i feel. lost in this world. what exactly am i supposed to do? be a guai student? change myself to suit everyone?

i don't bloody understand. i don't understand why some things can't be said.

i've never been perfect, and neither have you. so, why? was i wrong to actually believe you?

why can't you at least make them feel important, feel wanted? why can't you give them a chance?

did you change, or did we? did our perspective of you change or did all of us change?

bah.

if i was a tree, i would be like this:

2007-09-11T21:38:00.000+08:00

so many things to say. no way to express it.

i kinda miss my long emo posts. at least i knew what i wanted then.

how do you express your fears and insecurities? bah. i'm so emo now.

i remember believing that i could handle anything that came my way. was it pride, or just pure stupidity?

说过不能放弃. 说过要坚持到底. 不知道以前所说的话, 是否是谎言. 不知道应该不应该相信你. 不知道你对我的信任有多少.
人生最大的罪过是自欺欺人.

there's so many things i wish to say, but i just can't say them. how do you help someone else, when you can't even help yourself? how can you have trust in others, when you don't even trust yourself?

we try so hard to make it happen. but we keep forgetting that some things aren't within our control.

2007-09-04T20:22:00.000+08:00

woa.

to think that you're such a multi-faced person.

bah. i'm wasting space on my blog.

i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored.

today was fun. yea. our hibiscus group ended up with only 10 people. so it was like 2 facilitators to 1 student. the students are really cute la. though it was a bit difficult to get them high. never mind. they're all very guai students.

then went to west mall with ah hua, kenny, may and peijun. we were supposed to study. in the end, like always, we didn't. we ended up eating, talking, remaining in silence. we just didn't study. other than ah hua.

bah. then ah hua left for tuition first. and then the 4 of us just continued crapping until 7. then i saw isaac. haha.

bah. ok. i'm still bored.

2007-08-27T20:44:00.000+08:00

bah. today was a boring day. totally no mood to listen during lessons at all.

my dear cousins were singing the Humuhumunukunukuapua'a song from high school musical 2 yesterday during dinner. lol. xinyi is totally mad about the song. lol.

flag day yesterday was okay. i think i collected the least money. bah. walked until my feet hurt. went from jurong to tiong bahru to toa payoh then back to tiong bahru again before returning the tins at jurong. some people are really nice. like this auntie who donated to the whole group of us.

bah. i have nothing to do. or maybe i should say that i have nothing to do that interests me.

listening to high school musical makes me high. lol. how surprising. too bad my phone doesn't have anymore space for songs. bah.

and i can't bear to cut my nails. i feel so weird to be plucking my guitar without any nails.

bah. random.

2007-08-22T16:48:00.000+08:00

yay. emo-ness strikes again.

common test's results aren't that satisfying. 不能说的秘密 is a nice movie. i have very nice juniors. lol. and that may be the only nice point of the week so far. hopefully, it'll improve. i pray that it would.

bah. so many songs that are making me emo. even those non-emo ones. need to get my mind off these things. maybe i should sleep. or cry. bleargh.

i need to do something. i don't know what. i feel like writing something but i can't find the words.

bitterness.

if we stop once we are met with failure, would we improve?